Ted Lilly Cares Not For Technology

The recent Chicagosports.com round up of Cub's Blogs by our favorite beat writer Paul Sullivan is a beauty. We can't believe that the TLFC is on there and some others, namely The Cub Reporter, aren't. We could go on and on about Paul, but, what really interests us is what the article said about Ted:

"This rookie blog, dedicated to the Cubs left-hander who doesn't own a computer and didn't even know he had a fan club..."

Now, we're likely crossing an ethical and public relations line by that little Photoshop over there but, really, Who makes ten million a year and doesn't own a computer?

At what point did TL say, "You know what, I got burned on the Beta Max thing and I'm not going to get screwed with these so- called 'PC's" or "That Internet thing is just a fad"?

What other essential products doesn't TL own? A cell phone? TV? Stove? Indoor Plumbing? Shoes? How is this possible Paul? Where's the feature on Ted and his rant against the evils of technology?

One explanation is that Sullivan was really referring to our Intern, Rich Hill. Lil' Richie, a lefty and without a fan club or computer of his own, uses the TLFCSC during off hours for his World Of Warcraft gaming. That is, until Ted Lilly Fan Club Night Janitor Dale (TLFCNJD) caught Rich doing Whip Its dressed like an Orc at 2 am. We put a stop to than nonsense real fast.

French Duke just picked up TL and Intern Richie goes Wednesday. As of this publication, the Cub's sit a half game back with the Met's and Brewers in free baseball. As always Ted Heads. Fire. It. Up.

Cole Hamels Pitches Like Ted Lilly... Ted Lilly Pitches Like Shawn Estes

Shawn's "Curve" Was Like Hitting A Beach Ball

Last night was an ugly one for Ted (5 IP, 7 H, 4 ER, 3 BB, 3 K, 2 HR) and for us. Decked out in our soon to be unveiled, "It's Time For The Lilly Hammer" TLFC tee- shirts, we witnessed one of TL's worst outings in awhile.

These stats are deceiving, Ted's control was much more "off" than the 3 BB indicate. He often found himself getting in counts where the Phils could just sit on pitches and neutralize chasing the Hammer Curve. Ted's location appeared off even during his warm- up pitches. Just an odd feeling watching him prepare to pitch and thinking, "uh- oh."

To Ted's credit, the guy is an absolute professional that just kept grinding. Our Ted Lilly Fan Club Theory Du Jour (TLFCTDJ) is that because Ted has the mentality of an AL pitcher, he knows the game is never completely out of hand. We love that theory as it actually makes sense, unlike some of our older theories.

Another oddity we need help clarifying: A couple of times we thought we saw TL throw a couple of 'ephus' type pitches; lob balls or uber change ups that deceive a batter simply by lack of velocity.... TL was hauling them in 'round 65 mph, a velocity lower than his normal Curve and with little- to- zero break. We've never seen Ted throw anything like this, but we may have been deceived by our seat location. Insight from a TV viewer, as always, is appreciated. Regardless, these pitches reminded us of watching Shawn Estes' Hanging Curves get mashed. Hence the title.

Hamels was also shockingly good: efficient and professional, much like how we are used to seeing Ted throw. While Hamels is nowhere near similar to TL in style, he pitched to the lead and never allowed solid contact. We immediately traded Chase Utley to Intern Richie for Cole Hamels in our TLFCFBL.

It's bed time here at the TLFC HQ. We just tucked Intern Richie into bed and read Intern Smarsh his nightly Thomas The Train story. We're off to our hyperbolic sleeping chamber, but we will have more for you tomorrow. Ni - Night Ted Heads.

Ted Lilly (Fan Club) Under the Lights at Wrigley

"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses"--Elwood Blues.

Okay...in complete transparency, the Ted Lilly Fan Club is headquartered in Chicago so it's probably something like 2-3 miles from the TLFCHQ to Wrigley but we are going to the game tonight to root, root, root on TL and the Boys against the Phils.

However, we probably need to dispel a few others misconceptions with the inclusion of the above quote from the Blues Brothers:

Being a eco-friendly Fan Club, we take public transportation to the game (= don't need gas). We also support the use of solar energy panels and encourage all the Ted Heads out there to try and limit the amount of styrofoam that they burn.

Second, we don't smoke. A 7th grade classmate of ours offered us a cigarette once. We had one drag off the cigarette, turned purple, threw up and never smoked again. Also, for those of you out there who make hemp pants, love April 20th and subscribe to "High Times", the TLFC does not officially endorse the use of mind-altering drugs. That being said, man o man, we are really really jonesing for a a ham-n-cheese hot pocket though.

Third, game time is 6:05 cst so it *could* be dark but, odds are, it won't...unless of course it's the end of the world which it could be thinks to the antics of this sicko cat in Rhode Island who can sense when people are going to die (also---if it's the Apocalypse, does TL have messanic overtones? Curious....)

Fourth, sunglasses. This is true, we will be wearing sunglasses.

The Fan Club will be road tripping to the game and encourage everyone to join in the fun...ESPN has wisely lifted their "No Ted Lilly" ban and embraced the crafty left-hander's rise to stardom.

Fire it up Ted Heads...

Like World War II French, Jacque Jones Refuses to Win

Okay, Ted Heads, no need to sugar coat this one---last night's loss hurt.

It hurt like watching Godfather III, it hurt like when Intern Richie's boyhood crush broke up with him because of his inability to grow facial hair and, yes, it hurt like Jacque Jones' pride after he single-handedly lost the game for us.

Baseball 101: the throw from centerfield is going to be high so slide low or, at the very least, try to push David Ross a bit harder than a homeless guy pushes StreetWise on unsuspecting tourists on Michigan Avenue.

Honestly, before the FC gets inudated with angry letters, let's be clear: we here at the Fan Club love nearly all things French.

Frenchy Marquis, The Riot and FontenYeS? Check.

Statue of Liberty? Check.

Foie Gras? Check. (Granted, Smarsh won't eat duck liver so we usually will make him a Swanson's Hungry Man TV dinner---kid loves Salsbury Steak)

Jean Reno--star of the Professional? Check.

The Chunnel? Check.

But Jacque Jones is off the list....that's it....no more...we've had it....no more TLFCFAVOP (Ted Lilly Fan Club Franco-American Veil of Protection) for him. Throw him to the wolves...or at least Paul Sullivan (rest assured, Paul, you'll get yours too).

Smarsh goes tonight at 6 pm.....

Rich Hill Continues to Grow Playoff Beard, Takes Mound Against Reds

Happy Friday Ted Heads....slow start to a big weekend here at the Fan Club. We put on our geek helmets for a bit this morning, punching some good clock on Halo 2 multiplayer and Guitar Hero (Note: TLFC is officially an Xbox 360 household) while throwing down some energy drinks and wiping our bottoms with Paul Sullivan's latest column about 'wacky trade ideas.'

We here at the 'Club plugged in the Sports Machine Super Computer, hired a temp to feed in a few reams of data and determined that a fair market trade for Paul Sullivan would net us two expired passes to "Hostel 2", a 50 cent off coupon for a Quiznos sub (umm, umm, toasty) and a swift kick in the junk.

(twenty minutes later after anger management exercises)

Okay, we're back--thanks to the Daniel Bishop, TLFCAAAMG (Ted Lilly Fan Club Anger Awarenes And Management Guru), we've settled down a bit. Count backwards from ten, backwards from ten.....

TL goes Monday against the Phils in the ESPN Game of the Night so let's get a little preemptive and fire it up quietly for that game...However, work to be done this weekend against the Reds as Rich Hill gets the ball today as he continues to grow his playoff beard (don't make fun of him, he's like that kid in your freshmen dorm at college who thought that chin growth would make him hip and/or edgy and/or alt).

Game time 6:10 pm...

Ted Lilly Win #11: Game Notes, Len and Bob and Ken Holtzman

Well, Ted Heads, we're sure that you all were as excited as we were with last night's game. Ted goes seven strong, gives up one run and strikes out two to get his 11th win. Smarsh was so excited that he, well, pissed himself.

Currently, the Cubs stand two games behind the Brewers in the NL Central and one back in the Wild Card race.

A few TL game notes/thoughts:

1. Last night was TL's first outing at the new Busch Stadium

2. TL's no-hitter was broken up in the 2nd inning

3. It was TL's seventh straight victory -- the longest winning streak for a Cubs lefty since Ken Holtzman (his nickname? the new Koufax) won eight straight decisions in 1969 (Intern Richie is still laughing about that year)

4. According to WGN analyst Len Kasper, he got locked INSIDE his hotel room last nite. What is scarier is that this is not the 1st time this has happened.

5. A classic TL quote, "I definitely think there's some confidence, but we're also aware it's not going to fall in our lap," winning pitcher Ted Lilly said. "That comes from respecting the opposition, being aware there are a lot of good teams out there. Every day we're going to have to earn every win."

6. Paul Sullivan wrote a 2nd positive article....has hell frozen over yet?

7. Is it sacreligous that Bud Ice is the offical beer of the TLFC but is brewed in STL? Curious...

8. Frank the Tank must be hating himself right now over TL's pitching. Let's take a quick link back to his prediction that TL will have a bad season. Now, keep in mind, we have a healthy respect for Frank the Tank but don't like the TL hate.

Frenchy goes tonight for the sweep....

Ted Lilly Goes for Win #11, contemplates SpyHunter, Shaq's Big Challenge and Oprah

Fire it up, Ted Heads....Ted Lilly goes for win #11 this evening against the Cardinals, facing off against Adam "Don't Call Me Rufus" Wainwright.

Not only is it a big evening for the Cubbies (who currently sit three behind the Brew Crew in the NL Central) but we here at the Fan Club think that it's a big night for TL for a variety of reasons:

1. Bull set the table nicely for a TL no-hitter with last night's pitching performance going six strong, striking out five and only giving up two earned runs. The Super Computer has high hopes for tonight's outing. We have also tinkered with the SC's circuits and turned him into an Spy Hunter arcade game when he's not spouting out stats and numerical insight. Needless to say, Smarsh loves this game and loves the oil slick...

2. By facing an anemic STL offense, TL will also be able to get back to the hotel early to order a club sandwich from room service, put on a comfy Sheraton St. Louis bathrobe and catch up on some recorded ABC programs including Shaq's Big Challenge and America Inventor with George Foreman.

Quick side note: TLFCOBEAGC (Ted Lilly Fan Club Outdoor BBQ Extravaganza and Grill Club) loves the Foreman Indoor/Outdoor Grill w/ Ipod hookup. Nothing says summertime like listening to some Michael McDonald "Yamo Be There" and grilling out some steaks and brats. Of course, Intern Richie doesn't really like steak so we usually just make him a big pot of macaroni and cheese with some watermelon slices on the side and everyone's happy.

3. It was announced today in TV Guide that Oprah Winfrey (friend of the Club) makes about $260 million per year. It might not be "cool" or "hip" to like Oprah but the we here at the 'Club enjoy her thoughtful perspective on women's issues and appreciate her book club selections.

Finally, we most importantly appreciate the possibility that she could buy her hometown Cubs by simply saving 4 years worth of paychecks and ensuring that the Cubs go to a thoughtful owner. Would she need to put her interest in buying the Moon? Probably...but we think her and Stedman would be ok...Would Wrigley look better with drapes? Possibly. Could Sweet Lou, the Riot and TL be better off by reading Bridges of Madison County? Probably

Time will tell but let's focus on the present and not a Oprah-centric future....

Game time at 7:05...

Cedeno Returns

Chubaka Is A Southpaw?

As always, our title picture has little to do with anything. Slow day at the HQ, but we were blessed with a little nugget of joy that Ronny Cedeno will return to the big club. We love that and here's why:

Our two theories for the season were 1) TITLM 2) That if the Middle Infield of DeRosa, Fontenot, TheRiot, combo can hit .280, the Cub's would win many ball games and we'd be happy.

We won't deal with #1 just yet, but let's look at #2. Notice how we didn't include Izturis... we hated him, not personally, but professionally... we really don't hate anyone personally. Now take a look at what Ronny's been doing down in AAA... from The Cub Reporter...

"Cedeno was named Pacific Coast League Player of the Month in June, as he went 446/509/782 in 25 games, with 8 HR and 20 RBI, 8 doubles, a 12/10 BB/K ratio, and four SB (0 CS), before coming back to Earth in July, hitting a more-pedestrian 294/318/341 with just one HR and a 3/15 BB/K ratio in 20 games."

Essentially, the Cub's have traded Izturis for Recently Hot Hitting Demon Infested Ronny Cendeno, New Besty Of Ted Lilly Fan Club (RHHDIRCNBOTLFC.) Ronny's got a slick glove and at least has shown flashes of having a bat. Izturis has a slick glove and no bat. We like this move.

We'll go ahead and add Cedeno to our cast of Middle Infielders that need to succeed for the Cub's to win. We'll defend Cedeno, love him, and cherish him. We'll trumpet his successes and sweep his failures under the rug. We think Ronny's here to stay and the Cub's are better for that.

FATLFCASBGOTPC Winner!

We've got a pretty clear winner for the First Annual Ted Lilly Fan Club All Star Break 'Goofin' On Ted' Photoshop Challenge... Mona Lilly! The most beautiful image in the world was somehow made more beautiful by internet tagger, "Ken Dog."

Notice TL's eyes, longingly staring back into the viewer. His brow lifted in curiosity, almost as if he knows your soul. View the Cy Young, nestled patiently in his bosom. Tilted up and to the left, the Cy Young trophy is at home, at peace, with TL. Brilliant.

We had some excellent submissions to the challenge. (Eric AKA Edge with his Hoff/TL came in a close second and FontentYES blasted his way to a late third with the entry below.) In the process of this insanity, we had the added benefit of constructing an official TLFC Tee Shirt that will be available for public consumption. We'll have that nonsense and a TL start coming later this week. Until then, Ted Heads, gaze longly on your victor, Mona Lilly!

FontenYES' fantastic third place image

He Who Should Be Named The NL Cy Young

Intern Smarsh is camping outside of Borders tonight so, we're posting his Goofin' on TL entry as a sign of support.

We'd also like answer a question that has been bothering us. Some of you will remember our feeble attempt at a live blog. That live blog hurt TL to the line of 6 ER over 4.1 Innings. Subtract that night's stats (which were clearly our fault) from his '07 total and his ERA falls from 3.58 to 3.26.

We've already written STATs, Inc to correct this problem. Have a fantastic weekend!

Ted Lilly: Respect

First. After our Rich Hill take- down piece, we've been recieving a bunch of email defending the actions of the Interns. Let's get this straight. We love those guys, they're under our Veil Of Protection and can do no wrong. Mrs. Hill, that strongly worded letter of yours was completely unnecessary. You too Nanna Hill, though you're 92, we won't be called a "bunch of sissys" and sit here and just take it. We will get nasty with you, if necessary.

Back to TL. 10-4. We're having the TLFCSC run some numbers and see what his ERA would be like without that live blogging Brewer fiasco from awhile back. We don't mind that he isn't considered the staff ace or that Len and Bob aren't gushing about his workman- like attitude. Case and point, TL's entire Comcast postgame, where fell in love with him all over again. A couple of paraphrased, embelished, and inaccurately quoted gems...

On Bonds...
"I think he has worked hard his entire life and I respect that"*

On his stolen base...
"They gave it to me and I took it. You all need to know that I'm faster than Jose Reyes but, I respect that man"

On Immigration Reform...
"These people work their asses off, like me, and deserve their respect"

On The Stock Market...
"In a word, respect the Sub- Prime problen... watch yourselves"

On TLFC...
"Those idiots are stalkers and should respect the restraining order"

Finally. We realize we haven't done any quality analysis around here in a few weeks. So here you go:

TL picks up his 6th straight win in a game where he didn't have his best stuff. 102 pitches through five isn't efficient, nor Tedtastic, but our boy, once again, grinds his way to a win. Base hit. Stolen Base. Run Scored. That's Ted Offense. Take that Len and Bob. TL should be slotted into the lineup at 1b for the duration of Lee's suspenion.

There. Six days until TL goes again. We'll announce our "Goofin on Ted winner on Monday (where's your's FontenYES?) and then unveil the new TL FC tee shirt. Until then, Ted Heads!

*Indicates only real quote.

Simpsonfication of Ted Lilly as the TL Band Wagon Rolls On...

Sure, this pic is blantant propaganda (TLFC has hired a PR firm to help us expand our brand) but, in complete transparency, we love the Simpsons. Granted, Intern Richie and Smarsh don't get the oft-cutting edge satire and political humor but the pretty cartoon imagery keeps them happy for hours at a time and saves us from hiring a babysitter when we want to go out for a night on the town.

Anyway, this is the simpsonfication of TL *if* he decided to play for the Springfield Isotopes. Thankfully, he's still a proud member of the Chicago Cubs and gets the ball today against Matt Morris and the SF Giants as the TL Bandwagon (aka playoff steamroller) continues.

So, put on your favorite album from Rockford's favorite sons Cheap Trick (note: Rockford is also home to Magic Waters--the home of the TLFCWSP: Ted Lilly Fan Club Water Splashtacular Party), chill some Bud Ice and get ready for the game...

Teddy Baseball gets the ball at 1:20 Ted Heads so pls fire it up and let's win one for America...

Rich Hill A Winner, But Still A Loser

Dear Interns Richie and Smarsh,

You are like the sons that continually fails to live up to our expectations. Yes Rich, we know. You won last night in a dominating fashion; flashing a brilliant Uncle C. and standing toe to little toe with uber prospect (and Friend of The Cub) Tim Linecum. We respect that and rightly honor you for you achievements. Yes Smarsh, we know you slayed this weekend at Barleycorns. We respect that as well...and so did the 19-year DePaul students who you played Golden Tee with.

But when we find out about THIS INSANITY, all of that is thrown out of the window.

Intern Richie impersonating Kip from Napoleon Dynamite? We saw Johnny Drama Dempster plying his comedic Harry Impression last time the Cubs were on Fox, but we were' suddenly compelled to follow that up with a medicre impression of Kip! Worse yet, on the Day Of A TL Start? What were you thinking?

We've got several problems with this...

1) Kip isn't relevant. It's so 2005. Give us a Christopher Walken or a Chris Tucker, Hell give us a Chris Matthews! But don't go back to an impression that's two years stale.

2) It was bad.

3) You embarassed us by not properly praising TL. Try this, "Pitching, Number 30, my idol, Ted Lilly." Pretty Flipping Simple.

4) Intern Smarsh. You should have stopped him from doing this. You are equally to blame. After Richie's incident at the Daughty concert, we warned you to look after him.

We're steamed. TL's image and the image of the FC are tarnished. Thusly, both of you are banned from the TLFCHQ until the next TL start, are forbidden to use the TLFCSC for World of Warcraft for one month, and will have your parents notified. You must also spend two hours in the Special Place.

Sincerely,

Ted Lilly Fan Club (TLFC)

Ted Lilly Bandwagon, Religious Fanaticism and Intern Richie's Playoff Beard

Morning Ted Heads...hope y'all had a good weekend. We took Friday off to physically and mentally prepare ourselves for Saturday's TL start against Oswalt and the Stros. While we officially are not a religious organization (except during tax time when we invoke religion for the obvious tax credits), we took all steps possible to ensure a TL win including:

1. Praying to Joobu
2. Lighting a candle at the local Catholic Church
3. Drinking the blood of a fatted calf (less said about this the better)
4. Buying a few copies of StreetWise from a homeless guy by Wrigley (does this count as religious activity?)
5. All sorts of ab work

Needless to say, it worked. TL, now 9-4, hasn't lost since June 5, gave up four hits and a run over eight innings and has helped lead Chicago to another win for the 14th time in 18 games. Teddy Baseball walked one, struck out seven and added a run-scoring single in the sixth for his third major league RBI (aka the TLFCMOTG: Ted Lilly Fan Club Mash of the Game).

Party train keeps moving ahead this week against Barry Lamar, his over-sized head, his luggage bag full of prescription goofballs and the SF Giants.

Intern Richie goes tonight and, word is, he's already started growing his play-off beard.

Game time 6:05 CST...Fire it up Ted Heads!

Quick Note On Ted Lilly's Saturday Start Against the Astros

Allrighty, Ted Heads, 2nd half train to Cy Young station leaves Chicago tomorrow at 2:55 when Ted Lilly gets the ball against Roy "Don't Call Me Patton" Oswalt. Surprisingly, there are a few seats still available.

TL Fan Club is going to load up some coolers with tasty beverages and Fla-Vor-Ice, slice up some oranges for the conversion van ride over to Wrigley and make a mix tape with TL Favorites (#1 on TLFC iTunes shuffle? Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry)

So, if you're going to the game tomorrow, drop us a line at TedLillyRules@gmail.com or find us at the game or at Bernies...1st rounds on us.*

The Photoshop contest is still going on so please keep sending submissions in...



*TLFC General Counsel has instructed us to say that by "1st rounds on us," we mean that everyone is responsible for their own drinks including test tube shots, anything mixed with Red Bull and warm beers left by people at their tables.

Early Entries to the First Annual Ted Lilly Fan Club All Star Break "Goofin' on Ted" Photoshop Contest (FATLFCASBGOTPC)

Afternoon all.

While officially the TL FC is remaining neutral in the First TL FC All Star Break "Goofin on Ted" Photoshop Contest (along with fellow contest partners/judges Frank Gehry and Jack 104.3--both friends of the 'Club), we wanted to post a few of the many early entries we have received.

Intern Richie and Smarsh have been ultra busy over the All-Star Break making runs to our mailbox at the post office to pick up entries as well as with their normal chores involving latrine clean-up, managing the TL FC Street Team and helping us beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out Again (Piston Honda is ridiculous!).

So, without further adieu, here are three selected "Goofin' on Ted" images. Enjoy.

Calling All Artists and "Taggers" of TL Nation

One of the ways we pass time at the FC is to work on our,
"photo shopping skillz." We admit, we're a long way from regularly "goofin' on" images to make them hilarious and fun... That's where you come in.

Announcing the First Annual, Ted Lilly Fan Club, All Star Break, "Goofin' On TL," Photoshop Challenge (FATLFCASB'GOT'PC). FATLFCASBGOTPC is a way all the Web Artists and "Taggers" out there in TL Nation can express their love for Ted in their craft. We're not looking for this or this, we're looking for something that will blow our frigging mind.

This year's topic: Ted Lilly. Riff on that thought, be inspired by The TL, or just send us a picture like the one above (courtesy of Intern Smarsh... Intern Richie's was a picture of TL with Snow Patrol, we promptly sent him to clean the bathroom.) Go get 'em Nation... we look forward to the results.

Fathers of Sacramento, Lock Up Your Daughters... TL's Comming To Town

We got this nugget of TL info from the one of the four (FOUR!) columns written today by insufferable Tribune reporter, Paul "Negative Nellie" Sullivan.* Everyone calm down, we know that TL's a taken man, but we thought that would be a fun little title.

In fact, now is a good time to go over the Ted Lilly Fan Club Privacy Policy (TLFCPP). We at the FC have a commitment to stay out of TL's private life and apologize for this semi stalker info. Our theory on baseball players (and TL) is that they're pretty much normal guys that happen to have a freakish, yet lucrative, talent. Look at Kruk or Wells, these guys are clearly not "athletic" rather "freakishly talented at something random."

We're sympathetic. At one point in our lives, we were "freakishly talented" at flippy cup and would have been really bothered if weirdo interneters documented our many failings with women or our over reliance on Egg McMuffins as a source of sustenance... In summary, we're not to report on TL as a person, but rather to stick to TL as the Aura and Alpha Male that he is.

That paragraph took a lot more time than we expected, but fortunately, TL's start last night doesn't need much analysis. 8-4! We remember when he was 4-4 and the doubting began. But we stayed the course, predicting a 12 win season despite the trouble. Guess what, we were wrong... he's gonna win closer to 20 games, not twelve. And also guess what, we're reviving the TL train. Chew frigging Chew. He's rolling and will continue to roll post ASB.

The TL train may be in Sacramento for the All Star Break, but it's next stop may very well be Cy Young station.**

*Our new theory is that Paul is probably a good guy, just that he's living in 24hrs of Cubs workload and thusly bitter about his existence. Four! Columns! Four! Regardless, we have little sympathy for a man who's bitter about having to write about baseball for a living. We've already documented and extended thoughts on Paul, click on the label below for those gems.

** We're slightly embarrassed by that hyperbole, but if he goes 16 and 8, doesn't that warrant some consideration?

Veil of Protection: Rich Hill

It'd be easier to defend you if you grew some facial hair...

We've only alluded to this concept before, but recent events call for a full explanation.

We at TLFC are world travelers and one of our favorite places is New Zealand. That place is just awesome; the landscape is amazing and the people better. We could go on and on, but we think TL FC friend (a friend of the blog) Overnight Pete put it best, "New Zealand is the Ted Lilly of Oceanic Nations (TTLOON)*"

When we visited TTLOON, we spent several days bouldering in the Canterbury Limestone Formations made famous in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Long before the nerd herd of LOR fans descended, the area was known primarily as a scared place and one where all travelers were under a spiritual "veil of protection." Essentially, it would be very bad to do evil to someone there. Very. Bad.

Hence the concept of the Ted Lilly Veil Of Protection (TLVOF): All in the TLFC are under it's umbrella... even the present "pooh boy" Intern Richie.

What does this mean? We'll defend the little bugger till he either a) leaves the big club or b) Ted tells us to kick him out. This will be our only warning. Hear it now, Cub Reporter! Be aware Bleed Cubbie Blue! We're watching you Paul Sullivan! Richie is our boy even if he is a giant baby that is having command problems. We love him dearly. You mess with him, you mess with us... and we're like wounded animals. Jugular.

Whew. Other than that we're pretty happy. Smarsh goes tonight, go get 'em little buddy.


* Overnight Pete may not have said this.

Happy Birthday America!!! Happy 1/2 Year Birthday Ted Lilly!!!

We here at the Fan Club couldn't be more excited about the 4th of July---arguably our 2nd favorite holiday of the year behind January 4th (aka the Day of the Ted). July 4th is also Ted Lilly's 1/2 Year Birthday...woo-hoo!!! yippee!!! Birthday spank machine in the clubhouse tonight!!!

We spent yesterday afternoon putting up red/white/blue streamers around the loft, stuck a huge box of Fla-Vor-Ice in the freezer and took a quick trip to Indiana to load up on illegal fireworks for the 4th.

Then, once back at the Club, we sat down in front of the plasma with a few ice cold Bud Extras and watched Teddy Baseball give America an early birthday present in the form of 7 innings, 5 strikeouts, 1 earned run and the ever-valuable Win.

As for the 4th, we have a ton of big things planned. Might hit the Chicago fireworks alongside one million of our closest friends...Maybe give Intern Richie and Smarsh some sparklers and smoke bombs to play with...Possibly watch PBS' broadcast of "A Capitol Fourth" (a "July 4th fireworks special" in high-def) hosted by Tony Danza (friend of the TLFC) and featuring performances by Little Richard and Bebe Neuwirth.

Who knows?

Big Z goes tonight as the Cubbies look to continue their winning ways

Game time is 6:05 CST--Fire It Up Ted Heads! Fire it Up America!

De Mieux En Mieu: Frenchy Marquis, Ratatouille and Bastille Day

Bon après-midi friends....Now, we understand that we normally don't like to start off a post with two french phrases (especially coming on the tail of last Friday's photoshop exercise with FontenYES!) but it seemed like the right thing to do for a number of good reasons.

First off, Frenchy Marquis got the ball today against the Brewers and pulls out a huge victory for us, going 7 innings with 5 strikeouts and getting his first victory in over two months. Felicitations Jason....

Second, Ratatouille, the Disney film about a lovable rat named Remy trying to achieve his dream of becoming a French Chef, was #1 at the box office pulling in around $47 million. After Smarsh's rough outing yesterday, we felt bad for the little guy and took him to a 7 pm showing. Needless to say, between his excitement for the film and the big box of Goobers, Smarsh slept well last night.

Third, our hometown Chicago Bulls, fresh off a strong playoff run, drafted Joakim Noah with the #9 pick. Now, in full transparency, we HATED Noah when he was at Florida (might be because we hate Donovan) but, with him now in a Chicago uniform, we couldn't be more excited to have a "high-energy", floor burn player on the squad. Do we like the braces? Not entirely but those in the TLFCYDC (Ted Lilly Fan Club Young Dentists Club) have always embraced good hygiene so we'll support the braces.

Fourth, Bastille Day is July 14th and the TLFC has already begun chilling down La Ice De Bud, getting Yannick Noah CDs cued up (he's HUGE over there) and watching the Meg Ryan/Kevin Kline movie vehicle "French Kiss" to get oursleves in the mood.

"Honorary" French Ted Lilly gets the ball tomorrow against the GNats in D.C. and we here at the fan club couldn't be more excited to start Patriotism Week than with Teddy Baseball in our nation's capital.

Vive Democracy!