Ted Lilly Fan Club Guide to Jumping On the Cubs Bandwagon

Due in large part to the slow burn of viral marketing, the Ted Lilly Fan Club (TLFC) has been able to bring its own brand of inane Cubs commentary to the bloggysphere, educating folks on the nature/tone of Ted Lilly’s abs (= chiseled), the true story behind Rick Ankiel and his HGH addiction and the TLFC Super Computer’s robot crush on Wall-E.

Now, with the Cubs firmly planted in this year’s MLB playoffs, we wanted to take a quick moment out to welcome all you new Ted Heads (of which, there must be many after Ted’s pennant-clinching seven inning gem on Saturday) and educate the good folks on how best to attach your fortunes to the Cubs Bandwagon.

First thing’s first: safety is paramount here. If you’re going to jump on the bandwagon, please be sure to watch your footing, grab the handrails for support and look both ways before crossing the street. We've always promised to open the doors of the Ted Lilly Fan Club Bandwagon Bus / Eco Vehicle (TLFCBBAE) - which, if you didn't already know, runs solely on the sheer grit of Ted - at every train track, so we need you little Ted Heads to be safe for us.

Next, we need you to brush up on some Cubs background information in advance of the playoffs:

Wrigley Field: This one is pretty easy but Wrigley Field is the home of the Cubs and considered a baseball shrine—just be sure to head the tragic tale of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon who mistakenly called it Wrigley Stadium. But, honestly, we can’t really blame Jeff—guy just turns left all day long (YouTube video here)

History: Cubs have a long and storied history. Yes, people have made a lot of news about the 100-year curse, the Billy Goat and Steve Bartman but there are a number of other important historical tidbits to know. An example: Tinkers Evers Chance is NOT a Chicago-based law firm nor the name of your neighbor that graduated from Williams. It actually refers to Joe Tinker, Johnny Evers and Frank Chance who were all part of the Cubs’ World Series winning teams in 1907 and 1908.

We also have a number of traditions and rituals that you should know about before the playoffs start.

First, we throw the ball back onto the field if the opposing team hits a home run so, if John Q Phillie hits a HR and you catch it, don't take the ball and try to sell it on Craig's List: Philadelphia. Throw it back or we'll tear your heart out of your listless soul. We're serious, we've recently developed a machine to do this and, yes, it does run on perpetual motion.

Second, Despite the large, quasi-obnoxious Budweiser roof top, we are an Old Style town so be prepared to throw down a few bucks for a quasi-tasty, quasi-not macrobrew. And, no one but creepy old guys buy the mai tais at Wrigley.

However, like U.S. Ryder Cup team proved yesterday, history means a whole lot of nothing (quick TLFC note: American Ryder Cup wives were sooooooo much better looking than the Euro counterparts).

Cubs Roster: We’ve said it before but we’ll say it again: in this period of globalism, the Chicago Cubs roster reflects the spirit of the world (truth be told, we ripped off that language from Chicago’s application for the 2016 Olympics). We have a French contingent, some Creole mix and representatives from Latin American. We have a mix of old and new; power and style and a wonderful love for the game. The Glue? A Six-Foot Tall Crafty Veteran from Torrance, CA.

Celebrity Factor: You'll see plenty of celebrities at Wrigley this time of year, both good and bad. You see, the Cubs in the playoffs attracts attention hungry B list Chicago quasi native actors/actresses to Wrigley like tweenage girls to a Hannah Montana album signing. For the sake of order, if you see Seth Meyer at Wrigley please do not ask him to sign your DVD of Journey to the Center of the Earth. Sorry kids, going to Northwestern doesn't mean you're a Chicagoan... looking at you Zach Braff.

But not all celebrity sitings are bad, odds are you'll see someone like Joe Mantegna (friend of the blog) or Dennis Franz at the ball park buying a hot dog and old style. Feel free to purchase that for them and tell them you loved Bleacher Bums. As for Eddie Veddar's new Cubs song? We're not going to address that yet--we're still upset at Pearl Jam for their "Binaural" CD...

Wrigleyville Neighborhood: Originally, when the Ted Lilly Fan Club moved here from Toronto, we explored establishing our HQ near Wrigley to allow for creepy close stalking access to Cubs’ players. However, remembering our own privacy policy and the scuffle with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police after Ted got into a fight with Blue Jays manager, John Gibbons, we decided to set up shop at an undisclosed Chicago location.

What you need to know about Wrigleyville can be summed up in one word: fratastic. So be sure to bust our your favorite visor or Cubs hat (to be worn backwards), your Sigma Chi Barn Dance T-Shirt and a pair of cut off camo shorts and you’ll fit in fine at any of the local bars like the Cubby Bear, Casey Morans or Murphy’s Bleachers (easily a fav of the TLFC)

Please, don't get us wrong, more fans of the Cubs means more converts to the Ted Lilly Fan Club (or maybe that's the other way around?). We encourage everyone even remotely interested in the Cubs to hop on board, it's more fun that way for everyone. Just remember that Joe Buck is no one's friend and keep your glasses/headphones/turtleneck sweaters at home.

Fire it up, playoff-friendly Ted Heads!