Crosstown Classic Preview: Guide For White Sox Fans

With the Crosstown Classic starting up today at Wrigley Field, we here at the TLFC thought that it might be helpful to give Chicago White Sox fans a few pointers and things to consider during their series against the Northsiders.

• Finding The Right Bail Bondsman. As most ChiSox fans know, it’s very important that you find the right bail bondsman to help you get out of jail quickly after you inevitably get arrested at Wrigley. You need someone who knows the system and has the connections to ensure that you don’t become a fellow inmate’s “girlfriend for the night.”. We recommend Roche Bail Bonds (truthfully—we have never used Roche but they did pay for a google ad campaign which is good enough for us)



• Determining The Right Cleat For Running On the Field With. While Cubs fans fondly remember Tinkers, Ever and/or Chance, ChiSox fans have a soft spot in their heart for the father/son tandem of William Ligue Senior and Junior who infamously rushed the field and attacked 1st Base Umpire Laz Diaz. According to ChiSox SuperFan Mike Kennedy, "you need a cleat with a metal spike--don't mess around with plastic. When you need to pick up speed after jumping the fence, you're gonna to want metal."



• How To Handle A DUI Arrest. While you might have been fooled by television programs and blog posts, sucking on a penny prior while you drive home drunk from Wrigley will not prevent a DUI arrest by Chicago's finest. Other tactics that'll prove ineffective include singing Journey's "Wheel in the Sky" at the top of your lungs and trying to convince the public that Ozzie Guillen is, in fact, a good manager.



• Why Getting Your GED Makes Sense. According to the US Census, someone with their high school diploma can expect to make about 33% more a year so the TLFC, always a supporter Education (as seen by Ted Lilly's School For Kids Who Can't Read Good), recommends that you head back to school Rodney Dangerfield-style and get your GED. Trust us, you and your illegitimate children will thank us later.

Big Z gets the ball against John Danks (enter marijuana joke here: ____) in the first game as the Cubs look to continue the streak. Feels like 7 IP, 6Ks, 1 walk and 1-3 at the plate.