Ted Lilly Start #13: Thirteen Things Better Than Joe Buck And His New HBO Program

Helloooooooo mediocrity! Cubs lose! Cubs lose!

This past week, in advance of this weekend's series against the Twinkies, the TLFC jumped on a plane and headed north to Minnesota to scout the competition. While we spent most of our time riding the roller coaster in the Mall of America, re-living scenes from "Little Big League" and watching for any Deanna Favre sightings, we also had some down time in our hotel room where we, unfortunately, caught a promo for Joe Buck's new show on HBO.

While the TLFC has repeatedly cited our contempt, nay loathing for one Joseph Francis Buck (links here, here and here), we got physically repulsed when we saw that HBO actually gave this hack his own show.

Mr. Buck--we know Bob Costas and, sir, you are no Bob Costas (editor's note: we actually don't know Bob Costas but we do know a short guy named Bob with good hair, figure that counts).

To celebrate this sign that the world is, in fact, heading down the pooper as well as to spotlight TL's start today at 1:20 pm, we decided to list thirteen (13) others things that are better than Joe Buck and his new program on HBO.

Thirteen Things Better Than Joe Buck

13. Hammertime video on YouTube
12. Chip Carey--yep, we said it...Chip Carey (but, before we get any hate mail, keep in mind that, with baseball announcers, it's a sliding scale TedHeads)
11. A mug of Sumatra Sanka on a crisp Sunday morning in June...perfect recipe for firing it up
10. Punching our fan club self in the sack a few times/thumbtacking our eyes
9. Carrie Muskat at MLB.com finally waking up and realizing that Ted Lilly should be an All-Star. Her apology for being late to the bandwagon comes in the form of an article (link here)
8. The bad, Wicker Park-friendly facial hair of Pittsburgh Penguins Center Sidney Crosby. When we look at that mustache, we're not sure if Crosby just won a Stanley Cup or is just going to hang out at Subterranean talking about how much Lincoln Park yuppies suck.
7. Attempts by North Korea to weaponize their plutonium. Sure, the threat of nuclear holocaust is pretty bad but it would give us an "out" from having to watch Buck's show.
6. Amazing baseball names. Phillies have a pitcher with the last name of Bastardo and, of course, we can't forget former Cub and current Reds coach Dick Pole. The Royals have a 1B Coach with an amazing name (link here) but we don't want to include it here lest we offend Lady TedHeads
5. Canadian Cubs pitching. Between Dumpster's last start on June 12 and Harden toeing the rubber yesterday (allowed 2 runs over 6 IP w/ 9Ks in his first start back), our Canuck friends have certainly earned their pay. That said--we still think universal healthcare is a joke
4.Off-color jokes by David Letterman about underage Alaskan minors
3. The fact that we finally completed the TLFC Cloning Machine which we later found out could also help us control the weather (so---you're welcome for today's crystal clear day).
2. Re-make of the A-Team. While "Wedding Crasher"/"Hangover" actor Bradley Cooper is slated to appear as Faceman, we can only imagine one person who could fill the role of Hannibal
1. Lastly and most important, a picture of Ted Lilly on a unicorn.

With today's prediction, we welcome the star of "Little Big League", Luke Edwards for his forecast (we tried to get Jason Robards Jr for you guys but, ummm, he wasn't "available"):
7 IP, 7K, 2BBs, 1 ER and one loud and resounding statement that he belongs in St. Louis for the MLB All-Star Game.

Fire it up, TedHeads...