For varying reasons, the argument of “who’s the biggest dbag?” has again risen to the forefront of discussion around the TLFC water cooler. First, given our post from last year and today’s remarks that he willfully uses non-sanctioned supplements procured by paging a guy named "Ed", Bronson Arroyo has to be a part of this discussion. Second, after the recent announcement of an ESPN documentary on his “plight”, Steve Bartman could himself be considered option (hint, we vehemently disagree with the assessment) but instead we'll lump everyone still talking about this into one Blamers category. And, of course, thirdly, we’d be remiss if we didn’t join the legion of Cubs fans who are irate at Johnny Macchione--also known as the guy who threw beer on Shane Victorino during Wednesday night’s Cubs loss. Police want to prosecute him, we're just happy that we finally know what name to possibly etch into his King D-Bag trophy.
Steve Bartman Blamers
Case For: October 14, 2003.
Case For: October 14, 2003.
Case Against: Who's to say that Moises Alou would have even caught that ball w/ his urine-soaked hands? This is a classic scape goat, a sin eater, who's life has been disturbed by half wit morons who know little about baseball and less about what it's like to be a fan. Steve Bartman was at a game - by himself - probably because he tried like heck to get that seat. Can you imagine how stoked he was to score a front row left field seat for the game that the Cubs were going to the World Series for? Instead he gets a lifetime of seculusion and having to watch replays of himself at 2AM on ESPN Classics Top 10 Fan Blunders. To quote a classic Western movie (or was it that Streetwise vendor outside of TLFC loft who rocks a Vietnam-era army jacket?), we should let sleeping dogs lie.
Johnny Macchione (Beer-Throwing Guy)
Case For: First off, he sold out his buddy and fellow-fan after throwing the beer--probably only one step higher than sleeping with your buddy's ex-girlfriend/sister. Second, look at him: cheese-dick glasses, wife-beater t-shirt and Cubs hat that he bought before the game.
Johnny Macchione (Beer-Throwing Guy)
Case For: First off, he sold out his buddy and fellow-fan after throwing the beer--probably only one step higher than sleeping with your buddy's ex-girlfriend/sister. Second, look at him: cheese-dick glasses, wife-beater t-shirt and Cubs hat that he bought before the game.
Case Against: With news that the Cubs, Phillies and Chicago's finest are pursuing him, we have a sense that Johnny will get what's coming to him (= lifetime ban from Wrigley and a few dates w/ Illinois Correctional Inmate #553798). Plus--it would have been worse if it had been a mai tai
Bronson Arroyo
Case For: While we've already covered this ground before, some reasons bear repeating: 1) his album: Covering the Bases. 2) He admittedly to taking non-approved supplements and 3) he has girl's hair.
Bronson Arroyo
Case For: While we've already covered this ground before, some reasons bear repeating: 1) his album: Covering the Bases. 2) He admittedly to taking non-approved supplements and 3) he has girl's hair.
Case Against: He did plunk A-Rod in 2003 which was nice....and, supposedly, cleans up at college parties which we can't blame a guy for...plus his unofficial nickname he shares with our TLFC GoldFish, "Bongwater."
Verdict
But, no matter who wins this d-bag off, the world loses. At no point in these rambling, incoherent actions of these three were they even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought or non d-bag appropriate actions. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having debated this issue. TLFC believes that you are all d-bags and may God have mercy on your soul.
But, no matter who wins this d-bag off, the world loses. At no point in these rambling, incoherent actions of these three were they even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought or non d-bag appropriate actions. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having debated this issue. TLFC believes that you are all d-bags and may God have mercy on your soul.
4 comments:
All are total dbags, but I still gotta go w/Bronson Arroyo. Because anyone who has a band called "The Bronson Arroyo Band" has GOT to be the biggest dbag on Earth.
P.S. I still miss Ted.
We know, KD, we know...soon enough TL will be back to warm our colelctive hearts/minds/souls.
It's going to be a Tedtastic Monday. As for dbags, we're leaning to Bronson as well.
Maybe his dealings with Mr. Arroyo is Ed's way of dealing with the fact that his parents forgot the letter T in his first name. All Eds suffer from it at some point in our lives, and obviously this particular Ed has fallen quite far down in the ladder of life. Like in Chutes and Ladders. I forgive my parents for not having the confidence in me to attach a capital T at the beginning of my name.
Ed, have you considered officially changing your name? We suggest ditching your middle name, moving "Ed" to that spot, and then adding Theodore as your first name. Then, instead of going by "Ted," refer to yourself professionally as 'T. Ed' and socially as Ted. Just a thought...
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