With the first pitch of the Yankees/Twins series only a few hours away, we thought that, with the Cubs dead and buried, we'd turn our attention to the other playoffs series and make a few predictions. Remember--in bizarro world, the Cubs just won the World Series with Ted Lilly getting yet another MVP trophy (sigh) but, in real world, we can only wonder "what if" and buy heavily-discounted parapheneralia at local Sports Authority locations ("oooohhh, a $10 Aaron Miles jersey? Why not...")First Round Predictions:
- Yankees vs. Twins. While we love the "Rudy"-esque moxie of this Twins ballclub, this simply are overmatched versus the Yankees in a five-game set. Sure, Jorge Posada can bitch all he wants about not starting game but that's probably the only "challenge" the Yankees have to face outside of where to find good, NYC-style prostitutes in Minneapolis. Prediction? Yankees sweep, 3-0.
- Red Sox vs. Angels. Easily the best first round series of the four---both teams have a surplus of pitching, offense and gold-glove friendly defense. We still can't believe that the Angels somehow added Scott Kazmir to their rotation and think that they'll ultimately emerge victorious after Dice-K implodes. Angels win, 3-1.
- Rockies vs. Phillies. Flip side to the Red Sox/Angels tilt, this is easily the worst series of the four. Rockies are on a rocky mountain high after surprisingly making the playoffs despite having Frenchy Marquis as their ace and trading Holliday before the season. Phillies have no bullpen after Brad Lidge did his best Cubs impersonation and channeled the 9th fuitility of the Marmot and the Goggled One. Feels like Rockies in 4 but who cares? they are just chum for the eventual STL/LAD victory in round 2.
- Cardinals vs. Dodgers. Italians Unite! Torre vs. LaRussa! Mi piace davvero! Oh yeah, Manny, Pujols, Holliday should be fun too. We clearly want the Dodgers to win b/c a) St. Louis sucks b) a STL loss would give Joe Buck convulsions and c) it heightens the chance that the Dodgers pay tribute to Dodgers 1996 Draft 23rd Round Gem Ted Lilly. Sadly, magic eight-ball says that STL wins 3-2.
- Ted Lilly will get snubbed by Nobel Foundation. In turn, Ted Lilly Fan Club will burn our living room couches and "What Would Alfred Nobel Do" bumper stickers in protest.
- Swine flu will become the most-popular halloween costume of the season, besting the couples costume of Jon + Kate (or triples costume of Jon + Kate + Divorce Lawyer) and concept costume of President Obama's sagging approval rating
- International Olympic Committee anonymous source will disclose that real reason Chicago lost the bid for 2016 Olympics was the lack of a TL appearance/autograph session.
- Same source will also reveal that Rio got the bid on strength of impromptu performance/dance for IOC members from Charo (despite her Spanish heritage)--cuchi-cuchi-cuchi.
- TLFC Magic Eight Ball, responsible for above predictions, will fail miserably in prognostication efforts, fueling speculation that it is, in fact, using eight-balls of cocaine
- Cubs superfan and Chicago native Vince Vaughn's latest movie, Couples Retreat, will bomb at the box office and add to his Cubs-esque, really bad run of misses including Fred Claus and Four Christmases. Can Wedding Crashers II be far behind?
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