Ted Lilly Fan Club Super Bowl Prediction: Arizona over Pittsburgh 24-13

Let's put a big pirate ship in our football stadium! Huzzah!

Although the TLFC Super Computer has had a rough off-season (Wall-E not getting nominated for a Best Picture Oscar; Short Circuit’s Johnny No. 5 failing to garner enough write-in votes for his presidential bid; Miley Cyrus neglecting to return his fan mail and corresponding court order), we think that a good ole Super Bowl prediction is the best way to get him to shake off the rust and get back on the robotic saddle.

Of course, as loyal Ted Heads know, TLFCUK (Europe's Only Home For Ted Lilly News!) also had a challenging off-season, highlighted by the failure to get TL to attend the game alongside the TLFCUK in Tampa and inability to enjoy bangers and/or mash.

So---we decided that we all could just a little therapy. On our end, we did some deep lunges to limber up our joints and watched old episodes of Dr. Katz; as for the SC, we re-oiled his joints up and fed him some D batteries for fuel before sitting down in the TLFC Game Tape Review Lab and Super Bowl Prediction Center Brought To You By Sharp (TLFCGTRLASBPCBTYBS).

After reviewing YouTube video of Big Ben's motorcycle accident, debating which cliched Cardinals story NBC will cover first (Kurt Warner as former stock boy or AZ coach facing off against his old team), placing a guess on how many times NBC will whore out the "Chuck" promo featuring Jerome Bettis and spending commercial breaks in between "American Idol" surfing Deadspin, we have come to the following conclusions:

- Bud Light wins the Bud Bowl (as Miller Light files complaint with BCS that Bud Bowl is a monopoly and that non-Anheuser Busch products are unable to compete fairly)

- The Pirate Ship at Raymond James Stadium Fires its Cannons at least once to the beat of AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" and, somewhere in the south of France, Johnny Depp cries

- At halftime Bruce Springsteen plays a song from his new album, Working on A Dream ("I know y'all want to hear "Thunder Road" but let me first play you something off the new album")

- The Arizona Cardinals will upset the Pittsburgh Steelers 24-13 as Larry Fitzgerald wins MVP with a 125 yard, 2 touch game. On the undercard, David still beats Goliath with the whole rock to the head thing.

Fire it up, Super Ted Heads...Super Bowl Sunday Funday is a few short days away.

Ricketts Infamous Love of Mayonnaise Takes Center Stage as Cubs Acquire Heilman

Fresh off the hot stove, ESPN (unofficial corporate friends of the blog) are reporting that the Chicago Cubs have acquired pitcher Aaron Heilman from the Seattle Mariners for infielder Ronny Cedeno and pitcher Garrett Olson.

While we are all for taking on another a former starter-turned reliever-turned back to starter (who not-so-cleverly reminds us of a certain condiment brand), we have to wonder aloud if this signals the end of the Jake Peavy pursuit or simply Machiavellian Hendry setting up the chess board so he can trade Heilman and Vitters to San Diego.

Or maybe Hendry was putting on his marketing hat and realizing that, by trading for Heilman (an Indiana native and Notre Dame grad), he can ensure that pale, backward hat wearing Irish frat boys will continue to fill the bleachers and buy big foam Cub Claws for the next few seasons.

As for Cedeno--well--virtual tip of the hat to you, your three years of service and quasi-respectable .252 lifetime average. You'll enjoy Seattle--hear that they have great coffee, love hemp clothing and that Kurt is "the truth."

Interesting turn of events, Ted Heads...

Ted Lilly Loves the Color Yellow, Vertical Stripes; Women Swoon

The Cubs convention really is a wonderful aknowledgement of the role fans play in the success of an organization. It's pretty impressive that every year, the amassed hordes of willing Cubs fans fawning over contractually obligated players actually looks like fun. Fans get to ask stupid questions about leadoff hitters and the players get to swap new cliches they've come up.

We have no way of knowing this, but maybe the players do have fun. Who knows? It's possible that behind the scenes of the Cub's convention there is unbridaled carnage of good times. We can't fathom how that all works, we're just a lowly FC.

Why is this relevant? It's not, but it's a good lead. This morning, during our daily Tea, Crumpets, Financial Times, and "Ted Lilly" google searches (need to get site numbers up), we came across this gem of a video from a WGN portion of the 2009 Cubs Convention. The segment features mike fontenot (cajun), joey gathright (fast), koyie hill (good scrabble name), adam kennedy (standard ex-Cardinal), and TED LILLY (immortal beloved). You'll see why we only capitalized TL's name when you look at the name placards - let's just say somebody at WGN is a Ted Head.

Ted looks dashing, of course. While all the other Cubbies are rocking their solid black or white shirts, TL is rocking out in an insanely awesome yellow, vertical stripe shirt that says both "power" and "strength" and "intellect" and "Quads of The Colossus of Rhodes."

Also--since we're focusing on YouTube and social media madness, a quick virtual shout out to YouTuber TedLillyfan15 (we assume that his is the 15th person who wanted the title of #1 TL fan--sorry, kid, TLFC has already got dibs on #1-14) and his TL-friendly YouTube channel (link here). We actually are not related or financially supportive of this effort--just proud of his moxie and adoration for a certain 5'10" lefty from Torrance.

Stay reasonably fired up, Ted Heads...TLFC Super Bowl Prediction comes tomorrow.

Ricketts Family Buys Cubs, Ted Lilly Fan Club First To Take Virtual Pot Shot

900 Million... That's Makin' It Rain

One of the benefits of having TLFCUK is that we get to see the first iteration of the news cycle right when we wake up - just the facts, no commentary (mixed in with clever accents and references to the colonies). This morning, while home clicking through the dreaded Sun Times, we discovered that the Ricketts family, and specifically Tom Ricketts, have been picked to buy the Cubs. All that remains is the Rubber Stamp of MLB Owners, which we believe has already taken place behind closed doors during some sort of Sigma Chi-esque initiation session involving Selig, frat paddles and a goat named Lucky.

Thusly, we annoint Tom Ricketts Cubs Owner. Welcome. Now, Most Cubs Blogs have now reported this has occured, but without much more. In fact, the vast majority of Cubs Nation is embracing this annoucement and hoping for discounted trades at TD Ameritrade and maybe Omaha steaks at the concession stands.

However---we, the TLFC, rejoice in the fact that we're the first Cub's blogger to take a pot shot at ownership for being terrible. Jump on the bandwagon, Ted Heads, good seats still available:

Mr. Ricketts, your ownership term so far has been a complete disgrace. Your failure to commit appropriate resources to this team is disturbing and your downright disregard for the fans is McCaskey- ian. Your silent films also suck. Your name is also eerily similiar to a certain abnormal bone formation in children resulting from inadequate calcium in their bones. So--to sum up, thus far, you are a bad owner, bad filmmaker AND you hate kids. Tsk tsk tsk.

To recitfy these issues, we demand that you immediately:

• Resign Ted Lilly for 3 years, 44 Million. Annoint him Captain, Manager-in-Waiting and Cubs Ambassador to the World
• Ban Joe Buck from Wrigley and ask Miss Cleo to put a voodoo hex on him
• Create a Lil' Ted Head's Kid Zone on Waveland, complete with bouncy gym, whack-a-mole game and arts/crafts section
• Create a Mature Ted Head's Party Zone on Sheffield, complete with Bud Extra, Super Diamond and bouncy gym
• Win the World Series (note: you can move this one to #2 behind "Resign Ted Lilly" if you'd like)

Do these things and you will earn our respect, until then, we're not a fan of your ownership and will continue to boycott attending Cubs games for at least 30 days to teach you a lesson.

Tough love, Ted Heads, tough love...

Felix Pie Elected to Failed Cubs Prospect Hall of Fame

While we were busy trying to create Tedtastic Super Bowl, the Chicago Cubs traded once-heralded five-tool prospect, Felix Pie to the Baltimore Orioles in exchange for Garrett Olson, token Upside Prospect Arm (also known as Henry Williamson), a bushel of Baltimore blue crabs, a game worn Brian Billick Baltimore Ravens sweatshirt and a sixer of extra cold, extra smooth Natural Bohemiam beer (Maryland's Finest).

In concert with this trade, the Cubs also officially elected Felix Pie to the “Failed Chicago Cubs Prospect Hall of Fame,” joining such luminaries as Bobby Hill, Hee Sop Choi and Corey Patterson. While Pie was not available for live comment (he has been spending his free time scouring Baltimore Craig's List for a roommate), his agent did provide the TLFC this statement:

“While disappointed that I will not be able to help the Cubs during the 2009 season, I am incredibly grateful to team management and staff for my opportunities in Chicago. When I was drafted way back in 2001, I had a dream, a dream to squander all of my god-given talent and ability and waste away this opportunity to excel as a professional athlete. It's incredibly humbling to be able to say that, today, January 18, I have fulfilled that dream. I did my part by sulking as much as I could, Cubs management effectively never gave me a chance, but Ultimately The Wrigley Field faithful, always true fans, made this a reality by never giving me a chance and hating me because I wasn't a gritty white guy."

Pie continued:

"I am also incredibly honored by this election to the Failed Cubs Prospect Hall of Fame and wish to thank everyone who helped me get to this place including the good folks at the Admiral Strip Club on Lawrence, Jake Melnick's 8 lb Monster Burger and ESPN's John Kruk for convincing me that physical fitness and listening to the batting coach is not integral for one's success in the MLB."

Reached at the Cubs Convention, Chicago GM Jim Hendry commented to the Chicago Tribune that, "Felix has a lot of good qualities...With his age, even if he was the fifth outfielder, it's hard to paint a scenario where he could've gotten enough at-bats to finish off his development."

Baltimore will use Pie's talents en more inexplicably than the Cubs; Pie, a natural CF, will be converted into a left outfielder to play alongside CF stud Adam Jones and RF stud Nick Markakis. Andy McPhail also announced that cats will now chase dogs and rename Baltimore to, "NeverfinishabovefourthinALCentralanyMore."

Get excited, Ted Heads---Joey Gathright era begins............NOW.

Ted Lilly to Super Bowl? You have 24 hours.

We're Stalking TL, no doubt about it.

It's long been known that the TLFC really doesn't want to meet TL. Besides fear of our head exploding in his presense (like the movie "Scanners") as our mind fails to comprehend all that is Ted, our rationale is simple. We enjoy being members of the TLFC and, by meeting Ted, there's a good chance that that introduction could humanize him; frankly, Ted Heads, no one wants that. Ted's not human. He's a living God forged in the Fires of Mount Olympus.

But, let's be honest: we are living in unique and challenging times so, this one time, this one instance, meeting Ted makes sense. For TLFCU.K., the only rational reason to spend thousands of dollars, on top of thousands of dollars already spent on the tickets, on top of thousands of dollars already spent in foam #1 hands and Cubs Zubaz pants, is to sit next to Ted Lilly and ask him if we can borrow his napkin, because we spilt nacho cheese on our Chinos. There is no other reason. So, we try again:

Hi Ted,

Us again, the FC. Over the past week we've done all we could to show you how serious we really are. We've contacted Sports Illustrated, tried to get hold of your uber agent Larry O'Brien, and sent messages to friends of the blog to get the word out. Nothing (we feel like a kid spurned on prom night). Now, we're forced to do this.

In a show of blogging force and the global reach of TLFC (hopefully to earn your respect and trust), we might even "LiveBlog" our attempt to contact an agent of yours, invite you to the Super Bowl, and possibly even obtain a restraining order for the 23 straight hrs TLFC is awake (1230am CST to 1030pm CST.) We're going to call MLB agents, email contacts (uhm, Paul Sullivan, we need a favor), and likely post our phone number. Our goal is simple, get ahold of someone that can get ahold of TL. We don't want to talk to you, Ted, remember our head would explode. You'd show up in Tampa in row 118, seat 23...we'd be in seat 24. A few fist bumps might be exchanged, maybe talk of a beer run--that's it.

However, if, after 23 hrs, we don't hear anything. The tickets will be gone. Poof. All your dreams* (* technically--our dreams). Fasinating isn't it? It's a Sisyphean task but we're up for the challenge.

Hopefully we'll talk to you soon,

Love,
TLFC

Ted Lilly Fan Club Invites Ted Lilly to Super Bowl XLIII

After much internal discussion, we've decided to cross the so-called Fourth Wall of Fan Club-ing: We have two Super Bowl tickets and are inviting Ted Lilly to have one. We repeat, this is not a joke. Some back story is probably appropriate.

You see, Ted Heads, being the Ted Lilly Fan Club is a stressful gig. Constant posting, unending loops of Ted's outings on our 72 inch Sharp Aquos LCD, and obsene amounts of ab work (for toning purposes only) add up and sometimes we just need to let off a little steam.

While normally a run or a walk in the Ted Lilly Fan Club Rock Garden and Serenity Palace (TLFCRGASP) will ease our mind, we sometimes feel the need for The Drink to "take the edge off." Please---don't judge us--we're a human FC like anyone else.

One such moment occured last spring during a Chicago Leukemia and Lympoma Society Charity Event downtown. There was a silent auction and, well, you kids are smart enough to figure out what happened (staring intensely at the Drink). Frankly, it's a great cause and we truly thought we'd be going to the Super Bowl... until we Found Ourselves In London having been asked to open up a TLFC branch in England to scour petrol stations and lifts for new "talent."

Now--we have a dilemma: go to the game at a considerable cost (e.g. cost to fire up the TLFC trans-atlantic hot air balloon) or try and sell the tickets to "corporate fat cats." We don't want to sell the tickets--that gives us a moral bad taste in our mouths (kinda like drinking orange juice too soon after brushing your teeth)--so we asked ourselves, "What would make us want to go through all this to the Super Bowl?" The answer: Ted Lilly--which brings us to the offer:

"Hey Ted, it's us--the Fan Club---ummmm, yeah, we're serious. You get one (1) free ticket to the Super Bowl with accompanying VIP pass, but the downside is that you have to sit next to TLFC London for the duration of the game and buy him one (1) Large domestic draft beer (=American Domestic, not London Domestic) and one (1) type of appeteaser (e.g. mozz sticks, jalepeno poppers--your call--we can share). In turn, TLFC London promises to:

• Not talk about baseball
• Not talk about the Cubs
• Not ask personal questions
• Not blog about it or take pictures
• Not ask to do our laundry on your abdominal muscles during halftime
• Not do anything defined by you as "creepy" or "weird" (see above)

To entice you further, Ted, please remember that Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen will be the halftime extravaganza and that Tampa Bay is known for it's Salvador Dali Museum - he melted faces with his art, you melt faces with your off speed pitches. Match marriage in TLFC heaven.

Okay. We just did it (big sigh) and, you know what? It feels pretty good. Email tedlillyrules@gmail.com if you're interested. Yes--we're 100% serious and, yes, we have no convictions on our record.

-Humble TLFC

Indefensible Argument: Derek Lowe Is Worth $5M More A Year Than Ted Lilly

The news out of the ATL (East Point Standddd Up!) today is that the Atlanta Braves have signed former Dodger and BoSox Derek Lowe to a four-year deal worth $60 million. Now, during this off-season, C.C. Sabithia was obviously the number one pitching free agent with Ryan Dempster (Cubs), A.J. Burnett (Yankees) and Lowe close behind.

Real question is whether Derek Lowe is worth $20M cumulative or $5M more per year than Ted Lilly? Overwhelming answer is a hearty and resounding “no.”

Don’t believe us? Let’s have the TLFC Super Computer break it down (as we did before when our Cubbies signed Dempster):

• Over the past four years, TL has won 57 games while DL has won three less at 54 (point TL aka Baby Adonis).
  


• Ted has pitched a grand total of 719.7 innings while Derek Lowe, known as an innings eater, has pitched a healthy 850.3 (point Derek Lowe.)

• Turning to strikeouts, Derek Lowe has an adorable 563 Ks while Ted “Master of His Domain” Lilly has 614 (point Ted). Huh, more strikeouts over less innings, we realize we're only kinda brilliant, but that's gotta be good, right?
  


• In terms of ERA, Ted has a decent 4.44 (not too high, not too low—average—like the blue collar pitcher he is) while Derek “Teacher’s Pet” Lowe has a “look at how awesome I am” 3.6 ERA (point DL)

You say tomato, TLFC says tomato (joke doesn’t work written out but anyway…). Depending on how you break it down, Ted Lilly and Derek Lowe seem to be pitching equals. However, if you start bringing in other intangibles (e.g. Ted throws lefty, is impervious to pain, wrote the Kyoto Protocol), the picture starts getting clearer and TL becomes the preferred option.

Sure—Derek Lowe would be a nice number 5 pitcher and/or designated TL jock-transporter…but compared to TL? Hey Atlanta, you want extra martial affairs and unkempt long hair, you got that in Lowe. TLFC says No Thanks…we would rather take that extra $5M/year and buy cheap Citigroup stock and run out TL every 5th day.

Ted Lilly Fan Club Reminds Hall-of-Fame Voters: Ted Lilly Is Not Eligible

Quick reminder to the Hall-of-Fame voters: Ted Lilly is not eligible for this year's Hall of Fame class. As the official, unofficial fan club of Ted Lilly, the TLFC wants to remind voters that the Hall has very specific requirements for election to the Hall:

• A baseball player must have been active as a player in the Major Leagues at some time during a period beginning twenty (20) years before and ending five (5) years prior to election.


• Player must have played in each of ten (10) Major League championship seasons, some part of which must have been within the period described in 3 (A).


• Player shall have ceased to be an active player in the Major Leagues at least five (5) calendar years preceding the election but may be otherwise connected with baseball.


• In case of the death of an active player or a player who has been retired for less than five (5) full years, a candidate who is otherwise eligible shall be eligible in the next regular election held at least six (6) months after the date of death or after the end of the five (5) year period, whichever occurs first.

Now, just to make sure, we did enlist the help of the TLFC General Counsel, Andy White, to go through these rules with a fine-tooth comb and, surprisingly, the Hall does not make any exceptions for "crafty left-handers from Torrance, CA" or pitchers with "face-melting Lillyhammer out pitches" and/or "sublime abdominal muscles" so Jim Rice and Rickey Henderson can take a deep breath, knowing that they won't have to battle the eloquence and fan-friendly Ted Lilly during their acceptance speeches.

We'll be in Cooperstown soon enough Ted Heads!

Shawn Estes Allowed To Contiue One Man War Against Baseballs

Sweet Lord of Hosts!

In the wake of Scott Eyre's $2mm signing, we were pretty sure that no free contract could shock us. That is, until now...

Pitcher Shawn Estes has agreed to terms of a minor league contract with the Los Angeles Dodgers that could be worth as much as $1.55 million.... The 35-year-old left-hander had a 2-3 record with a 4.74 ERA in nine games for the San Diego Padres last season. He has a 101-93 record with a 4.71 ERA with San Francisco, the New York Mets, Cincinnati, the Chicago Cubs, Colorado, Arizona and San Diego.

We were surprised to see that Estes has a career winning record, but then we remembered that his body was inhabited by powerful aliens during of his 1997, 19-5, 3.18 ERA, "Taste It Steroid Era," campaign, and realized that kinda year helps. It's fascinating that a guy who's played 13 years in the majors had roughly 20% of his career wins during a single season, over a decade ago, is still pitching.

Don't get us wrong, Shawn's sinister ways are endearing to us. At one time, we really liked Estes - he was the first Cubs lefty starting pitcher in Ted knows how long - and his flowing locks made the Wrigelyfield Trixies swoon. Then, predictably, Shawn began to throw his special, "non-curving" curve balls towards NL Central batters and, TedHeads, the rest is history.

Estes isn't old. Believe it or not, a 35 year old curve baller still has some gas left in the tank; all that's needed is secondary pitches to set up the Uncle Charlie. Unfortunately for Estes, it seems that hasn't been the case for awhile. Evidence: Estes hasn't really pitched in the majors since 2005.

Ridiculously, assuming no minor league talent available, or a suitable Rule 5er, or reasonably acceptable younger FA worth taking a flyer on , a 1.55 Million is pretty darned cheap for a starter. If Estes can go, say, 7-13 with a 4.2 ERA, wouldn't that have to be considered a sound investment? The other, more fun, side of the argument, is that with 1.55 mm Colletti could have signed 155 Indian Cricket players who throw the ball hard and hope one of them pans out.

Truth be told. TLFC is just jealous. Two lefty's, Estes and Eyre, both essentially released by the Cubs at one point, both realtively old, are getting a collective 3.5 mm for their labor this summer. We only get 2.75 mm to run the TLFC (Thanks again, Ford Foundation!) and that pisses us off.

Milwaukee Brewers Sign Trevor Hoffman For $6 Million, Ted Lilly Fan Club asks “Was John Franco not available?”

In addition to spending his offseason debating the need to add the Japanese Jibie Tamba sausage to next season’s sausage race and hanging out at the infamous Mars Cheese Castle in downtown Kenosha, Wisco, Brewers General Manager Doug Melvin also took a few days to jump into the team’s time machine and head back to the year 1998.

While much of his time was spent listening to 1998 smash “Sunny Came Home” by Shawn Colvin and reading about the then-current affairs situation with Serbians fighting the Albanians in Kosovo, Melvin also took a few days out to advance scout Trevor Hoffman and his career-high 53 save year. Impressed by Hoffman’s control and steely-demeanor, Melvin jumped back in the time machine (nicknamed “BrewCrew 1”) to present day and promptly gave Hoffman, now a 41-year old reliever, a $6M one-year deal.

Now, the Ted Lilly Fan Club loves Hoffman—classic player’s player, locker room guy, grizzled veteran, Metallica fan and [enter clichéd sports term here: ___]—but a $6 million deal? Did they not learn from last year’s signing of Eric Gagne who, almost 13 months ago to this day, they gave $10M? This reeks of a late-season meltdown from an athlete who should have stayed with his hometown team and not fizzle out with another team (not that much unlike a certain quarterback #4 from the Packers...but we'll let the Milwaukee suicide hotlines deal with that)

As a Cubs-friendly Fan Club, we obviously love the move and believe that it’ll only help return the Brewers to their rightful place in the NL Central cellar but, as a member of society, we’re just not sure that this will help the decent folks of Milwaukee get through the hard winter months.

In the last few months, their beloved Packers got shut out of their playoffs, the Bucks continued their permanent malaise in the NBA and the Brewers never even had a real shot to retain Sabithia.

Now, maybe they re-sign Sheets and his glass arm...Maybe Milwaukee gets their own “Real World” season...maybe "Laverne & Shirley" will stop being recognized as the greatest export in the history of that state (sorry, mediocrity doesn't count).

TLFC has no idea and, frankly, we leave the tarot card reading and necromancy to our voodoo priestess Ismeralda but this signing can’t be good…

Fire it up, Ted Heads—at least we’re not living in Chicago Jr.

Ted Lilly Fan Club Announces Opening of London Branch

In a move precipitated by the interconnectivity of the global economy and a personal love for bangers and mash, the Ted Lilly Fan Club today announced that they have opened a London branch of the infamous Chicago Cubs/Ted Lilly-centric FC.

In complete transparency, the TLFC originally wanted to incorporate a FC branch in the Far East due to the sheer amount of baseball talent in Japan and Korea but only had enough frequent flier miles from American Airlines (official airline of the TLFC) to make it to the U.K. so the decision was made to set up shop there.

However, upon landing at Heathrow, TLFC London was pleasantly surprised at the knowledge and passion of the Brits for baseball (called “American baseball” across the pond). While England is primarily known for losing the American revolution (Suck on it General Cornwallis!), soccer hooliganism and Hugh Grant, they also are sneaky baseball fans which should bode well for the TLFC’s secondary mission of scouting talent for the Chicago Cubs (primary mission? Fawning over TL’s abs and face-melting Lillyhammer out pitch).

A few notable U.K.-born baseball stars include, ummm, Lance Painter, Phil Stockman and Danny Cox.

While the TLFC will continue to operate primarily out of their undisclosed northside of Chicago loft and their Spring Training HQ at the Best Western Mezona Inn in beautiful Mesa, Arizona, the London branch will serve as a global reminder of the coming world dominance of the TLFC. Doubt us? We’re behind Bill Richardson’s decision to withdraw his name from consideration as Commerce Secretary (he forgot to send us a Christmas Card) and third MVP for Peyton Manning (friend of the blog).

Now with 23 waking hours of TL coverage (dual office sleeping from 11-12 pm CST = 5 am - 6am GMT), Trans-atlantic Ted Heads can expect a healthy dose of "s" instead of "z" in certain words (as in "TLFC realises that TL is the closest thing to Jesus walking on water, or "going to the theatre is labour"), references to universal healthcare, and a creepy love for Mr. Bean. No soccer, we promise.

After 2 years and 380 mind numbing posts together Ted Heads, our looming seperation anxiety will likely result in numerous consfusing and non sensical posts around here. So, basically, nothing will change. Anyone know a pub where the Cubs are on? (pub = bar).

Getting close to Spring Training, Ted Heads--get the sunscreen ready.

TLFC Celebrates Milton Bradley Signing: "Genius and Insane"

Milton Bradley is one of our favorite MLB players and his name alone makes us smile. Just as Coco Crisp reminds us of Chocolate goodness and Boo Berries, Bradley gets us thinking of Battleship, Operation, and Barrel of Monkeys. Bradley is also a pretty good ball player. He brings game to the field that is sometimes destoyed by his intensity.

Our TLFC position for the past few years has been that Bradley is an interesting ball player with a knapsack full of crazy waiting to explode. He is also the kind of guy that can be a fantasy cancer (see 2002) or fantasy gold (see 2008). Good Times!

This should be a great move for the Cubs; Bradley's a guy who can play several OF positions and add some pop at the plate. Unfortunately, this move is also an inditement that Cub's front office doesn't really know what it's like to play in Chicago.

On the surface, Chicago should be a great place to play. Big money, Big Market, Great Ballpark, Packed House Everyday, and the potential to be a hero of epic proportions if the prize is achieved. The truth is, over the past few years, we've seen Chicago turn into Philly - lite. Let us quote ourselves again! ....

Remember when Big Z got booed? We know we don't talk about Big Z a lot around here. Maybe because he's righty or cause we think he's the second best pitcher on the team. Regardless, we've got a pretty low opinion Joe Average Cubs Fan and think it's ridiculous that they booed this guy or any other guy. What rational person thinks that paying 40 bucks gives them a right to yell at anyone else? People that boo are a result of bad parenting, no joke.

The Wrigelyville faithful are notoriously fickle and we'd hate to see an asset such as Fukudome spoiled by Diesel McDebag mercilessly booing the guy in right. Look at what has happened to Felix Pie- booed all the way back to AAA.

We could pull out other fun examples. Young Corey, The Todd Hundley Era, Latroy Hawkins, the demise of Rich Hill, etc. These failures, in part, were exacerbated by the fans and media of the Chicago Cubs (looking in your direction Paul Sullivan!). This is problem people!

Look at Derrick Lee, why are people booing this guy? Sure he hit into numerous painful Double Plays, but can anyone say that his Defense at first has been anything short of spectacular? His play at the plate is better than adequate, yet the "Play Hoffpauir Movement" actually has steam (see any Cubs.com mailbag recently). Can you imagine a guy with less mental fortitude in Lee's position, we can't.

That brings us back to Bradley. A potential stud, a potential disaster. Bradley blew up at the fans in LA - not the most serious group. The beer soaked ticket scalpers in the bleechers aren't as kind, sober, or appreciative of diversity. Let's put it this way, we're pretty sure that the first time he gets booed, and he will, it will jar him. How he reacts then is unknown. Plus, let's be honest, he hasn't put out a decent game since the anniversary editions of Life and Sorry.

71 days til pitchers/catchers report Ted Heads!

Happy Birthday Ted!

Ted spends every birthday staring down the Future. It's the Future's least favorite day.

Today we acknowledge the only thing that has more drive and consistency that Ted Lilly, Time. Normally, Time leaves Ted Lilly alone. But, to maintain the order of the universe, Ted allows Time this very day, when Time get's to assign Ted an arbitrary number signifying nothing except 32 more years until Social Security.

We wish our hero a Happy 33rd and are happy to get back to work with the conclusion of the Holiday Season (Christmas, New Years, Ted's Birthday.)

We restarted the TLFCSC this morning, shoved the piled snow from the driveway of TLFCHQ, and lit a fire with the hot air from our stockpiled Paul Sullivan columns. We expect to be warmed up and ready to go early this week.

Hope you all had a Happy Holidays.

-TLFC