Forget the TL surgery, Grabow and Gregg are Type A

Holy F'ing crap Tedheads. We know we promised a few weeks off (again, it's not you, it's us) and we know we kept this distance even in the face of shocking Ted News, but Holy F'ing Crap, we had to say something about this:

Kevin Gregg and John Grabow are Type A free agents! (gasp!) Joining The G-men in Type A land is Cubbie favorite LaTroy Hawkins (double gasp!!). Rich Harden, by the way, is a Type "B" free agent.

For the uninitiated, a Type "A" classification means the player, according to Elias Sports, is in the top 20% of free agents while Type "B" implies the player is between 21% -40% of Free Agents. Signing a Type "A" forces a signing team to give up a draft pick, generally late first round or the absurdly confusing Sandwich Round Pick, as compensation if the players original team offered arbitration to the player.

The type classifications adds a sneaky element to Free Agency, adding additional costs to FA's, and the opportunity for a little gamesmanship with your fellow GM's. But that's irrelevant because the Cubs already said goodbye to Gregg and are working on an extension for Grabow. Cub's also have shown no indication they'll go to arbitration with Harden.

So why are we incredulous? It's because the media didn't mention how Dr. Lewis Yocum went temporary blind after peering inside Ted's shoulder and that Dr. Yocum needed to finish the surgery just by feel - eerily similar to the Lionel Richie "Hello" video.

No really, why should Tedheads be super incredulous? Elias rankings are horribly, horribly flawed. In the 2007 MLB draft, the Toronto Blue Jays received the 56th pick (a Sandwich Pick!) as compensation for the Cubs signing Ted Lilly - a Type B free agent.*

Now, the only thing possibly Type B about TL is his blood, but even that's in question because of the amount of ice, steel, and grit flowing around in there. But there's something a bit odd to us about Gregg and Grabow being Type A guys. That's basically implying that Kevin Hart, who Cubs traded for Grabow, is a Type A guy and, well, Kevin Gregg is Kevin Gregg.

As always, we have no solution to this problem. Nor can we really speak to the process and the Cubs historical success / failure towards with it. What peeved us was the stupidity of the whole thing, but besides that we offer nothing to you Tedheads. What we can do is bring you some good old fashion nonsense with a bit of Ted worshipping sprinkled in. It's essentially a 'Teddycall from our break, hope you don't mind. We promise to call, maybe.

See you soon.

* The Blue Jays picked something called Trystan Magnuson for their trouble - apparently they thought they were giving up Ted "Strongest Man In The World" Lilly for Magnus "Strongest Man In the World" Magnuson... they were horribly wrong.

Lights Out At TLFC... We're home, but we're sitting in the dark alone... again

Some say on Autumn nights, you can see TLFC walking the streets alone

Hey there Tedheads, it's us, TLFC. We'd like to post, but what the heck are we going to discuss?

• Ted's clearly doing 1k abs a day while running hills with the literal weight of the world on his shoulders and all our hopes and dreams on his back - how is that new and fresh?
• Joe Buck is doing his best to make us hate baseball - why would be go negative when we're already on record as saying he's the spawn of Satan?
• Bud Selig's absurd drive for profits makes it near impossible for us to watch post-season baseball - why whine about us having to stay up past out bed time to here how Nick Swisher keeps that clubhouse loose?
• The Phillies rolled out Pedro Martinez, to Chan Ho Park, to Scott Eyre in sequence. Ladies and Gentlemen, the NL Champions! Why bluster about how absurd it is that this is the team that bested our Cubs?
  

We think it's best for everyone if we take a little break. It's not you, it's us. We need some time to think. Maybe we'll travel a bit, maybe we'll try a few new things... you should do the same. Grow up some. We love you Tedheads, we just aren't in Love with you right now*.

What do you say we get together, have some dinner maybe, in a couple of weeks?

Warmly,

TLFC



* - not true, we are in Love with you, but needed to say that for the break-up metaphor.

Lights Out At TLFC. We

On Eve Of 2nd Round Of MLB Playoffs, Ted Lilly Fan Club Sits Down With Nostradamus

On the eve of the second round of the MLB playoffs, we decided that we would grow up a little bit by putting away the magic eight ball (sorry little buddy) and stepping up our game a bit. The result? A TLFC exclusive! A one-on-one interview with famed prognosticator and French apothecary Michel de Nostredame aka Nostradamus to get his predictions about the Phils/Dodgers and Yanks/Halos series AND other random tidbits.

TLFC: Nostradamus--welcome to the Ted Lilly Fan Club loft--happy to have you here.

N: Thanks--i just flew in from the year 1566 and boy are my arms tired! Yuck yuck yuck.

TLFC: Ummmm---okay. Anyway, let's start off with the New York Yankees match-up with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. What are your thoughts on the series?

N: I see that the young lion will overcome the older one,On the field of combat in a single battle;He will pierce his eyes through a golden cage,Two wounds made one, then he dies a cruel death.

TLFC: It sounds like you're picking up the upstart Angles to beat the more veteran-laden Yankees?

N: Yep---Kazmir is sick, defense is gold glove-friendly and the Yanks move to a three-man rotation in seven game series is most unwise--like that Nazi picking the wrong chalice in "Last Crusade".

TLFC: How about the Phils/Dodgers?

N: An Emperor shall be born near Italy. Who shall cost the Empire dear, They shall say, with what people he keeps company He shall be found less a Prince than a butcher.

TLFC: Are you talking about Tommy LaSorda, Special Advisor to the GM of the Dodgers? Pretty sure that he was actually born in Pennsylvania.

N: Mark my words heathen---this emperor thou dost embrace nutrisystem in jest. He shall mark the downfall of the empire.

TLFC: Okay--settle down, you're clearly picking the Phils. What else?

N: I'm getting another vision, another prophecy: He shall come to tyrannize the land. He shall raise up a hatred that had long been dormant.

TLFC: Any idea what this means?

N: Not sure--this happens a lot when I don't take my meds but, if I had to guess, I'd say that it probably has to do w/ John Cusack's new movie, 2012. Guy had so much promise but has really gone off the deep end into bad movie territory. I mean, did you see Ice Harvest or Must Love Dogs? Ugh---I'd take a 1000 years in hell if it meant I didn't have to see a Seredipity II.

TLFC: This is clearly getting weird. Any last thoughts? We need to, ummmmm, errgggghhh, go someplace other than here.

N: Yes--final thought---from the sky will come the great King of Terror. He will bring back to life the King of the Mongols; Before and after war reigns.

TLFC: Joe Buck? Is he and his terrible announcing the King of Terror? Wow...

N: Be afraid, be very afraid...

Sorry Fanhouse, Matt Holliday Deserves No Sympathy

While normally the sports site, Fanhouse, is chock full of interesting articles and analysis (excluding anything by Jay Mariotti), today, they simply went too far with their piece entitled, "Let's Give Holliday A Break" around his blunder in the 9th inning of game two of the STL/LAD series.

Author Terence Moore contends that, "folks should lay off Matt Holliday just a little" and procedes to list a few other examples of professional sports blunders including our own Leon Durham in the 1984 NLCS and former Cub Buckner in 1986.

His contention is that, while the errors are not ideal, they are not the sole reason that any one team lost the game or series. Our contention is that Terence Moore is an idiot.

I mean, really? We're supposed to feel sympathy for Holliday? Lest you forget, Holliday makes $13,500,000 a year to play a game. His only job is to hit the ball, play defense and determine a clever name for his foundation. While the rest of the country faces a recession, rising unemployment, a potential nuclear Iran, we should all get out our wah-wah tissues and shed a tear for Matt Holliday? No thank you. We'd take our Ted Lilly Fan Club Time Machine and travel back to 1908 to see our Cubs win the World Series against the Tigers.

Even worse is Holliday's excuse: That he lost the ball in the Busch Stadium lights. Wow--that's the best he can do? Shouldn't Cardinals PR head Brian Bartow be able to come up w/ something better than that? Maybe Holliday's dog eat his homework too?

Sure--as Cubs fans, we are bred to hate the Cardinals so we're clearly biased but it's insane to think that Holliday deserves any measure of sympathy for messing up. He had a job to do and he failed. Clear as day. Enjoy your off-season Mr. Holliday.

Photo above is from Darren Cummings, AP

Ted Lilly Fan Club "Tedtastic" Player of the Day: Matt Holliday

Ouch.

Ouch for two reason.

First - Ouch: replay's of Matt Holliday's outfield gaffe indicate that his man- parts now likely reside deep within his body cavity. For all you Lady Tedheads out there, the result direct impact of a hard hit, line drive, baseball into a man's nether regions is not fun. Late last night we replicated the situation with out Ted Lilly Fan Club Pitching Machine and Line Drive Simulator (TLFCPMALDS) and our jaws still remain clenched on a strip of raw hide. Fortunately, The State had us sterilized to prevent reproduction, so no harm - no foul.

Second - Ouch: our friends from the eighth circle of hell, St. Louis, can't be too pleased right now. Sure, our Missouri backwater brethren, those "true fans of baseball" are probably holding on blissfully to the possibility of a comeback, but then again, they're also probably holding out for a repeal of the Nineteenth Amendment.

Matt Holliday, guess what? We don't blame you and no one else should. Let us see, two outs, bottom of the ninth, no one on base. A diving line drive in the late afternoon LA sun, you make an error. We might be old school, but up a run, man on first, two outs is still an enviable position. We're going to go ahead and blame LaRussa - he was likely drunk driving while petting animals and didn't have the appropriate mindset to settle his team down.

Tedheads, this is a win-win for us. St. Louis wins this series, you're treated to another few posts of anti-St. Lousi vitriol, likely with Joe Buck Flavor! St. Louis loses, well, St. Louis losses and we celebrate! Tip of the cap to you, Matt Holiday, for a Tedtastic play!

Ted Lilly Fan Club "Tedtastic" Player of the Day: Matt Kemp

Clearly, the Cubs not making the playoffs hurts....a lot (we keep repeating that in posts b/c it helps our argument to our psychiatrist that we need more Xanax--official mood suppressor of the TLFC) but the one thing that hurts more is that the god damn St. Louis Cardinals did and, to make matters worse, they are even the Vegas favorites to reach the World Series from the National League.

That said, we watched yesterday's Game 1 in St. Louis w/ joy and glee as Los Dodgers took advantage of a sloppy Chris Carpenter to beat the Cardinals 5-3.

Our Tedtastic Player of the Day? Matt Ryan Kemp. Kemp, who hit a first inning homer off of Carps to give LA the lead and help lead them to the win, is actually nicknamed "the Bison" (all praise to Dodger Thoughts for coining that term) and uses Rick Ross' "the Boss" as his at-bat music.

On a quick side note, if the TLFC was going to have at-bat music, it'd probably be the Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt ballad, "Don't Know Much." Would it pump up the crowd? Maybe, maybe not--but we would all learn a quick lesson about true nature of love.

Clearly, we want the Cardinals to lose...we need them to lose...we require them to lose. If not, we have to wait til December 16th for Blackhawks goon Adam Burish to lay the smackdown on the Blues and, frankly, we don't have that kind of patience.

Virtual tip of the cap, Matt Kemp.